Snakes and Armours

The weekend has been nothing short of phenomenal. I mean, who would think that I would have opportunities to interact with different people whom I seldom interact with? Loads of things have gone through my little brain during the weekend, and loads written in my journal.

Last night, I had a dream. It was a bad dream. I dreamt that I accidentaly stepped on a cobra's tail, and it immediately came to a 'strike' position. The snake was black on the top and white on the bottom side of the body. It was slimy. I was terrified. The snake tried to bite me twice, but somehow I managed to duck and was safe. Then I woke up.

Whenever I have dreams about snakes, I know I need to immediately pray for protection and covering. Because these dreams are one way God tells me someone is trying to do something to me. So pray I did. Then I went back to sleep.

This morning I felt a terrible low. And was reminded of the functions of the armour of God by Mich. I will be teaching a cell this week on the armour of God. Coincidence? Maybe not. So it's time to live it out according to the Word. Fight and defend the all the relationships in my life, because that sneaky creature wants to create havoc and confusion in our lives. Ephesian 1 - 6 is about Christ as the head and we as the body.

Fighting a battle,

gracey

Low

I feel sickly. And my colleague is sick. Hmmm...

Just right after my valley word, I am in my lowest week, though I may still come across as okay. Maybe that is why I was pre-empted. Busiest, hardest, most challenging in every way. This is a spiritual battle. Life is a constant tug-of-war in the supernatural for the natural. This week it seems as though the dark side is having the bigger slice of pie, though I am not eating it.....yet.

Patience, and wisdom. That's what I need now. And deliverance.

gracey

Europe and Valleys

So quickly a month has passed by. This one month, or rather this last week has been my best week this year. I found out that I am heading to Europe early September, to witness my friend getting married, and best of all, to be able to see her again after a year and a half. We have been waiting for this day - to meet again. At her wedding and between being in London and Paris, I will be getting acquainted with firm friends again. These meetings, I believe will be the highlight of my time in Europe.

Knowing that I will get there has lifted up my spirit. God is the amazing orchestrater of the entire trip coming into fruition. I am so blessed.

Yet today is the lowest point in these past 2 to 3 months, perhaps. I guess having a low point is good for me, to take me back into perspective and focus of life and who God is. I am not doing good. And I have not been forthright for some time. Been hiding in the 'maybe' zone. And the person I lied most is to myself.

A deep valley, so deep that the lowest point cannot be seen, a river flowing through it but cannot be seen and bright sunshine above the valley. God is on my side though the tides of life seem to drown me. I will be fine, soon.

gracey

Adam

Last night was one of my best nights, amongst many nights this month. 

Adam is here. Adam, the person who had a share of my thoughts when I was doing my DTS in Perth is leading a team here now. He was my one-on-one (my mentor) with Sharon, and both were very important people to me while I was there. They both knew my struggles, and the things God had spoken to me in that 6 months.

And God brought Adam to Malaysia just when I needed to hear things I need to hear. We caught up last night after I had a good catch up with Lisa. Yeah, 2 in a row. Don't get that often, so seized the moment. As usual, he asked questions, ones that matter to get me into my thinking mode. And we still have more 'one-on-one' sessions to do, okay maybe just one more since he will be busy and I can't see him during the day of a work day. Imagine processing your one year worth of thoughts in a short 30 minutes. Too short.

Adam's 4 years younger, but he never ceases to remind me that there are great young men out there who are mature and beyond their years. He is quite a man. Too bad girls, he's taken. :P He still speaks life into mine, just like before, and does so with much wisdom. It is great to have you here Adam.

gracey

Syok Sendiri

The chief end of God is to glorify Himself and enjoy Himself forever.

What a syok sendiri God. But think about it. If God is not a happy God, that means the other road He could take is being a frustrated God. If I have a frustrated God, then He is not a Sovereign God. If He is not Sovereign, then the world is outta whack! 

So my conclusion is, my God is syok sendiri. It doesn't sound wrong to me. The Bible says everywhere (lots in Psalms) that God does what He pleases. Not what I please. What HE pleases. And because of His obsession with Himself, things are in control. I like that. It really does sound like I am out of whack now. Tell me about it.  

On the contrary, if I throw it out there and say I wanna do what I please to glorify myself and enjoy my own person forever, then I risk myself being labelled as a carefree, careless, irresponsible and 'whateverelse that is negative' kind of a person. It doesn't sound that out of whack if you let it sink in that God's sole purpose is to glorify Himself and enjoy Himself forever.

Makes me happy that He is in control and I am not. Makes me happy that He is a happy God, because that means I can be happy too, and He definitely wants me to be happy as well. The circle. 

Go grab John Piper's Desiring God. It will keep you awake for sure! So, don't even think about reading it as a pre-'deep and restoring rest' kinda book. This one will definitely keep your mind active.

my mind is functioning.

gracey

A Weekend at the Beach

TGIF! Hah!

A slow weekend ahead. Much awaited and looking forward to it. Now if there's a beautiful beach with soft black sand, that would make the weekend almost perfect. A book in hand, with chips and lemonade as well as a lazy chair, THAT's perfect. What else can I do? A Nikon DSLR would be fun to have for me to capture the beautiful landscapes of the earth.

All I need now is the perfect destination and a one way ticket. Hahahhaha...That would be one dream come true!

Seriously though, there are many destinations that I would love to visit one day, if my life is long and my pockets are full or God says He'll fund them all! Life is so much more colourful after that first step out of the backyard. I'm not so interested in tour group travelling. I much prefer experiencing the life of a place doing the things that normal people would do. 

Dreaming again. 

gracey

Christian Hedonism

Christian hedonism. Well, I learnt this word just this week. John Piper summarised the notion like this, "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him".

It blows me away. It takes me more than once to understand the new paradigm that Piper suggests, and argues for. The chief end of my life is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever. How does enjoying God even look like? Like me enjoying brownies with vanilla ice-cream? Or like me loving fresh cool air on Mt Te Aroha?

Is enjoying God even 'legal'? You know how God is God and we're not suppose to take Him lightly and all that right? So enjoying Him would seem to be too light, like I'm not revering Him and giving Him the due honour/respect and the like. It seems to be a little too far-fetched isn't it? Enjoy God. How can we enjoy the one who is all knowing and all encompassing? Doesn't make sense we say.

I would like to consider it still. Is this notion for real? Or it's just another argument to please our self-righteousness/selfishness? I want to know.

Too much to digest, too much to rethink and think about. Does it make loving God simpler? I really hope so. It doesn't say too much about God if it doesn't. Yeah, I'm putting this out there.


gracey

The Post Without A Title

I had wanted to blog something last night. But I have little recollection of how my sentence structures should sound like. There was a lot of oomph when I designed the blog in my head before I hit the sack at 1.00am. It's gone to nothing now.

Mich and I had a long chat about, what else, God and the state of humankind. Sounds big, but it was really just about us walking with the Father. Ivy and Crys came over, and we had our long overdue dinner. We have not come together since I got back - and that was 11 months ago. These 3 friends are really God-sent. We knew each other since 2006, met at work, and somehow clicked quite instantly. 

It is quite interesting how although we come from different church backgrounds, yet having met at work and having 2 things in common, we became the church. We study a specific character together, and shudder at the thought that we could become like that character, if we do not hang on to God for dear life. Even having a good intent may not mean the intention will come to pass. I learnt last night that the process of getting there is more important, because the process either causes us to lose sight, lie to ourselves, or be on the right railway track to that goal.

And in the course of conversation with Mich, I realised that I have grown up, changed and realigned in spite of what I thought and what I have refused to acknowledge. I was also reminded that this journey can be very lonely, but very necessary, if I wanted to follow Jesus wholeheartedly. I realised last night how far away I was at becoming Christlike, and how much grace I needed to get to that destination.

I DON'T HAVE ANSWERS. And I am looking for some myself.

My mind is jumbled up.

gracey

When a Thought Hits You...

It hits you hard. Especially when it is about meaning and purpose. Anything that has these 2 words will hit you, somewhere in your 70 years span of life. Not once, not twice, but as often as it needs to, or as long as you have not figured out the answer; either way.

What gives meaning? And what does that meaning hinge on? These are bugging my thoughts now. As a Christian, it is quite a 'loose face' situation if you begin questioning the meaning to your existence. As if our insults hurled at God through our complains and blame games are not already enough as it is. 

How can meaningfulness flip like us flipping pages on a book? One page is so interesting yet most others remain monotonous, uninteresting. What is going on in our minds that we do not see where we have been hinging our meaning to? Have we been depending on activities to derive meaning and purpose in our lives? I definitely do think so.

The other thought I had this morning was, what if I did not ask this question the way it was asked yesterday? What if I have not thought that life is meaningless? Meaning, I just have not thought about it. And I also do not think that it is very meaningful at the same time.

I'm beginning to mumble. 

My mind needs to shift. And I need a new dress.

gracey

Short Random One

I haven't blogged at night in a while. This weekend was Mission Conference at church, and it has been pretty eventful. SEGAK joined the Mission Quest, which we eventually won. SEGAK stands for Sophy, Emily, Grace and Adeline who are friends (Kawan). :)

What did I think about the conference? Just another conference? Perhaps in some ways, yes. The emphasis for this conference this time around is this: Mission is not meant only for the chosen few, it is a mandate to everyone. 

I have not gathered my thoughts on the things that were spoken, my brain has not been able to wrap anything around the things said. One thing for sure, I hear the sound clearer now. I will just take things one step at a time.

Love love love love. Everything done because of love.

churning and digesting,

gracey