biking with the wind blowing me...

yeah, hoping that my mind makes some sense in writing. my sense of black and white in matters relating to life and thoughts are becoming blurred - i hope not by the influence of new age but rather by the influence and my human understanding of the grace of God. i want these recordings to become a reminder of God's faithfulness in my golden days.
So, welcome my friend, let's learn together. I beckon you.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Read My Mind

Now I know why I don't like asking people for help even when I need it. Wait, that's not right. I hardly think that I need help. That's not because I am proud, but it comes with being strong-willed. I like helping people, but when it comes to people helping me, I don't normally ask. Pretty cool discovery. At least I understand this part of me more now.

No wonder I dislike to depend on people for transport. It takes away that freedom to be in control. Hah! I guess that's why God put me in that place where I have to depend on people for transport to go to church and CG. It's been almost 4 years of dependence now! It takes a lot of effort for me to ask (it feels like begging sometimes) people to pick me up, and sometimes it takes 5 -6 smses to different people before I finally get transport. Most of the time by the time I asked the third person, I would feel extremely low already. Now I know why. LOL.

I don't like asking people for help because to me that's troubling them. On the other hand, I don't mind giving help to people. What a contrast. I cannot utter those few words like, "I need help" or "I feel low and I need someone to speak to". I always think that I should be able to do better than that on my own. "Excuses, excuses" I hear people say, but they're really not excuses to me. I really do think that I can do things on my own. Frustrates me even more especially when I do ask for help and the help I get is something that I could have done better in my own effort. It is only because I have my own mind, not because the helpful person sucks, okay? ;)

Too much info about me, I feel awkward now. Shites. Tata.


same yet different,
gracey

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

kam ching!! saya pun sama.. i know how u feel now, now that i'm here... :(

Anonymous said...

the good thing about asking ppl for transport is that we get to make deeper friends with the drivers...hahaha... and observe how different ppl drive! :)

gRaCeY said...

Lisa: Hey, it's part of our journey to become Christlike. So I guess we have to learn to humble ourselves in that sense to understand what it is really like to be helped. :)

Sarah: LOL. That's just one of the things. But now I understand that it really takes a strong-willed person to understand another, and with that knowledge, avail ourselves to minister to each other. Means I have to force myself into your life to bless you because I know you won't ask for help. LOL. ;)

Anonymous said...

I so totally agree with you Grace. The feeling is mutual. I find it tough too to ask people for help. At times I just rather not go ahead with things than ask for help. But like you, I enjoy helping others. Haha! All the strong will orangs... ish~

gRaCeY said...

Join the club!:)