I got tired with my own attitude today. It probably is a result of people's varied responses towards my shared thoughts as well as my mannerisms.
I know when I state my opinions they sound harsh - that's because the tone of my voice sounds hard. I am not giving excuses, but I am not born like other girls, with soft tones. Foo Chows are loud people. It's natural to us. So please don't judge me more strictly than other girls just because I am born loud and have a more manly tone.
I felt somewhat disappointed when a friend sort of agreed that I can only find my match in a Caucasian with my kind of character. Really that pathetic? I was just testing. Maybe noone will ever see past what they can see on the surface.
I should give up trying to conform to certain acceptable social mannerisms, shouldn't I? So what if people cannot accept my opinions? I am not denying that I have many opinions and generally they are strong opinions, but like what I know, God is a God of ALL possibilities, therefore my opinions can change because I may not have known some things. I can be influenced if you try. Just don't try to teach me not so good things and I will be open. I'm not a 60 year old, who is set in his/her own ways.
I was away last night in PD, sharing about my thoughts on BGR with 2007's batch of Jeremiah School students. There were hard questions, absolutely. On hindsight, I do think that I operate my brain and my life compartmentally. Some things I shared are outdated, they need to be realigned/changed/altered.
What people think of me is very important to me. It really is. No denial in that. Oftentimes I wonder if I am missing out on something. Why are there so few fishermen out there fishing for my kind of fish? Do I have too high a standard?
More often than not, what I cannot say out loud I say to myself, "Why must I be like them to be accepted?". When I am on the ground, I am reminded that first and foremost, God accepts me because He created me this way and He loves me to bits, with everything that comes in the package. Secondly, I need to accept myself.
struggling to be me,
gracey
I know when I state my opinions they sound harsh - that's because the tone of my voice sounds hard. I am not giving excuses, but I am not born like other girls, with soft tones. Foo Chows are loud people. It's natural to us. So please don't judge me more strictly than other girls just because I am born loud and have a more manly tone.
I felt somewhat disappointed when a friend sort of agreed that I can only find my match in a Caucasian with my kind of character. Really that pathetic? I was just testing. Maybe noone will ever see past what they can see on the surface.
I should give up trying to conform to certain acceptable social mannerisms, shouldn't I? So what if people cannot accept my opinions? I am not denying that I have many opinions and generally they are strong opinions, but like what I know, God is a God of ALL possibilities, therefore my opinions can change because I may not have known some things. I can be influenced if you try. Just don't try to teach me not so good things and I will be open. I'm not a 60 year old, who is set in his/her own ways.
I was away last night in PD, sharing about my thoughts on BGR with 2007's batch of Jeremiah School students. There were hard questions, absolutely. On hindsight, I do think that I operate my brain and my life compartmentally. Some things I shared are outdated, they need to be realigned/changed/altered.
What people think of me is very important to me. It really is. No denial in that. Oftentimes I wonder if I am missing out on something. Why are there so few fishermen out there fishing for my kind of fish? Do I have too high a standard?
Roald Dahl’s Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken" is very relevant to me now.
More often than not, what I cannot say out loud I say to myself, "Why must I be like them to be accepted?". When I am on the ground, I am reminded that first and foremost, God accepts me because He created me this way and He loves me to bits, with everything that comes in the package. Secondly, I need to accept myself.
struggling to be me,
gracey
2 comments:
Hey grace...I do really understand sometimes our lifes just struggle to be our self but what can we do..other than accept it...Lately i'm just got tired about my stubborness too...
Yeah...It could be the stubborness to stand to our point of view which doesn't mean others might accept...
I'm trying to learned to not share too much.I knew share is the happiest things in this world but there no longer this story .It will be heartache wounding inside sometimes...of not thinking more realistic...
Mike
Hey, u'll find ur match.. I believe everyone will... Sometimes I felt compelled to be someone I'm really not, just to be accepted, but I guess u know very well it's tiring to do so. In the end I decided just be myself, coz I'm happier that way... Just try to change my bad habits and bad ways.. The rest I kept them... Hahaha..
I guess the most important thing is to be able to accept ourselves first, before expecting other people to accept us... =)
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