I have run out of things to say. I am not happy; I should be on the other side of the fence though. Why is it that I am feeling this way? I cannot paint picture perfect and I feel like such a failure. Even putting this down makes me feel that I have let people down. There you go, I said it; I finally said it.
I haven’t been happy since I got back. In fact I have been struggling so much I don’t know if anyone understands even a fraction of it. The struggles I guess are not only of reverse culture shock, but really stem to unfamiliar pressure that I haven’t had for some time. Maybe it is because there was so much freedom, not in a bad way, but real freedom in building relationships – all kinds of relationships as well as freedom to think and act on our thoughts.
I figure only in the future will I be able to look back and discover the lessons of the past, which is my present at this moment. Life alone has never been harder; there was so much support and encouragement in Perth. You can say I had gotten used to having meaningful conversations anytime I wanted, and had access to prayer support as easy as I could breathe clean air. Fellowship has never eluded me as it has now. It is not easy doing life alone, and don’t take me wrong, I have no intention to do life alone. It will probably take me time and effort to find people to do life with. Wait, God will bring these people into the picture, in due time.
I would take the blame for secluding myself – because that’s precisely the result of my not being in KL. I can’t help that though, because being back in my hometown has done me good as well. For one, I cycled for the first time in 9 years and have been exercising with my mom more often so much so that it has become our daily routine. Walking in the housing garden I grew up in brought many fond memories back. I have become so laid back – to the brink of being lazy.
It has been overwhelming, and you will probably hear me say this 39574820 more times.
Old places bring back old ways of doing things. All I want to do is change the ones that did not please God, and that has given me stress. In the truest sense, I think it shouldn’t have given me stress, I have not practised what I learnt. Going back to old ways is like pulling out a chair and sitting down – that easy a process. Trust God. That’s the motto. Oh, what a hill to climb!!! BUT oh, what a MIGHTY and ABLE God I serve!! Switch that sight, change strategies and approach!!
grace
I haven’t been happy since I got back. In fact I have been struggling so much I don’t know if anyone understands even a fraction of it. The struggles I guess are not only of reverse culture shock, but really stem to unfamiliar pressure that I haven’t had for some time. Maybe it is because there was so much freedom, not in a bad way, but real freedom in building relationships – all kinds of relationships as well as freedom to think and act on our thoughts.
I figure only in the future will I be able to look back and discover the lessons of the past, which is my present at this moment. Life alone has never been harder; there was so much support and encouragement in Perth. You can say I had gotten used to having meaningful conversations anytime I wanted, and had access to prayer support as easy as I could breathe clean air. Fellowship has never eluded me as it has now. It is not easy doing life alone, and don’t take me wrong, I have no intention to do life alone. It will probably take me time and effort to find people to do life with. Wait, God will bring these people into the picture, in due time.
I would take the blame for secluding myself – because that’s precisely the result of my not being in KL. I can’t help that though, because being back in my hometown has done me good as well. For one, I cycled for the first time in 9 years and have been exercising with my mom more often so much so that it has become our daily routine. Walking in the housing garden I grew up in brought many fond memories back. I have become so laid back – to the brink of being lazy.
It has been overwhelming, and you will probably hear me say this 39574820 more times.
Old places bring back old ways of doing things. All I want to do is change the ones that did not please God, and that has given me stress. In the truest sense, I think it shouldn’t have given me stress, I have not practised what I learnt. Going back to old ways is like pulling out a chair and sitting down – that easy a process. Trust God. That’s the motto. Oh, what a hill to climb!!! BUT oh, what a MIGHTY and ABLE God I serve!! Switch that sight, change strategies and approach!!
grace
No comments:
Post a Comment