What has been on my mind lately? Many things. And I have been caught in the whirlwind of trying to figure out life – and I mean my entire life (did not plan to do it, it just happened) thinking that things that take almost an entire lifetime to achieve I can do all now. Obviously, that ain’t happening.
Over the course of the past week since the horror night (my accounts were recorded below – 2 posts before), there have been a surge of different kinds of fears. I have never felt so crippled by my fears, until now. I always managed to ignore them but this time around, the fears are taking me down with them. I wonder if that’s got anything to do with that creature down there.
Since coming back (and even while I was in
My parents are my biggest supporters in leaving for a better life. A better life I guess is relative so to say. It depends on what are the important things in life that I truly value and don’t want to compromise in. Anyway, for the past week, migrating has been on the top of my list of things to do.
Honestly if it was according to what I really want in life, leaving is definitely a better option. No doubt though, that I need to build things from scratch again but I’m still young and able to adjust easily. There’s so much to consider though, with leaving. The reason why I’m finding it hard to leave is only because I am afraid of going alone and afraid of making the wrong decision.
As I sat down earlier bringing my worries to God, clouds began to clear and this thought came. Where I am safest and surest is where God wants me to be. Sure, I WANT to do so many things; there’s a place and time to fulfill those dreams, but I am only willing to do them in God’s terms. I was almost bugging God with, “What do you want me to do with my life?” question, but after all the ‘preaching’ that God holds my future, it dawned on me again that God treasures obedience, and He normally only reveals His plans bit by bit, according to our obedience. He is in no rush, so the longer I take to obey, the longer the plans will take to be executed. Anyways, his sense of timing and time is not the way we would see it. Ya know?
I am still so fearful – but God’s holding me. It’s refreshing to be in this place where for the first time I am really fearful, and with that comes God’s strong and sturdy hands to hold my hands and direct my feet and carry me. There is a sense of peace deep within my heart even when there’s turmoil on the surface of my life.
Pray for me and with me, I need it so much.
the blogger,
gracey
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