Whoa - it is the end of 2009. I caught myself writing '2008' on a form just a few weeks back - I have not gotten used to the fact that it is 2009 and now the year is closing. Mine ends on my flight to Perth. A pilgrimage of sorts.
As I look back, coming home for a year and a half has been a great blessing. One, I rekindled ties with family and was able to be around for many important occasions. Two, strengthening friendships with 'old' friends and getting to know new ones. Plenty of new horizons too. And three, I have had a chunk of time to realign, rethink, challenge, reflect and understand the season I am in and a little of who I am becoming.
I have enjoyed this year. It is one of my most fun year in all of my life - besides my childhood. There have been so many things I have done this year that I never thought I could or would or had a chance to, and they all happened!
Fellowshipping with fellow leaders and doing outdoor activities with them have been some of the highlights. Going to Europe to meet some of my closest friends was a bonus - think free new Porche. And spending so much time with friends and different people have made this year an awesome year. To top it off, I have the most amazing employers one can ever find - employers who are generous, kind, compassionate, funny and down to earth! God is absolutely amazing even for all the hardships that I have gone through since I got back.
I thought that my love for working with people on the grounds were just obsessions that I found while with YWAM. I thought they were wrong because I didn't like what I was doing - as if it was some sort of an escapade. Yet at the end of it all, I found that my person still veered towards wanting to give somethings I have - my time, energy, youth and brains, to people. It has gotten much more intense, and staying on with the job helped me discover that I want to do something that gives me joy. Joy doesn't mean everything comes easy but just a sense of satisfaction for the life used to its fullest potential. I have not gone that far and have not felt that joy.
Hence the decision to do Introduction to Primary Health Care.
I am excited deep down. Up above, I am numb. Numb to the things around me, numb to life, numb to everything. I feel nothing. I hate this feeling. I hate that I am helpless, and not exactly excited about things, about people and about their joys. I have become devoid of feelings. Urgh, I hate being in this condition.
And yet I thank God for allowing me this place of numbness without striking me off dead, and allowing me to know what are the important things that matter to me. And giving me the opportunity to have a one step plan ahead.
If you have ever experienced the desire to thank God so much yet no words can be uttered and want to be uttered, that's where I am - for I am choking with gratitude for His grace and mercy despite my disobedience, despite my failures.
I am His child. Indeed.
gracey
As I look back, coming home for a year and a half has been a great blessing. One, I rekindled ties with family and was able to be around for many important occasions. Two, strengthening friendships with 'old' friends and getting to know new ones. Plenty of new horizons too. And three, I have had a chunk of time to realign, rethink, challenge, reflect and understand the season I am in and a little of who I am becoming.
I have enjoyed this year. It is one of my most fun year in all of my life - besides my childhood. There have been so many things I have done this year that I never thought I could or would or had a chance to, and they all happened!
Fellowshipping with fellow leaders and doing outdoor activities with them have been some of the highlights. Going to Europe to meet some of my closest friends was a bonus - think free new Porche. And spending so much time with friends and different people have made this year an awesome year. To top it off, I have the most amazing employers one can ever find - employers who are generous, kind, compassionate, funny and down to earth! God is absolutely amazing even for all the hardships that I have gone through since I got back.
I thought that my love for working with people on the grounds were just obsessions that I found while with YWAM. I thought they were wrong because I didn't like what I was doing - as if it was some sort of an escapade. Yet at the end of it all, I found that my person still veered towards wanting to give somethings I have - my time, energy, youth and brains, to people. It has gotten much more intense, and staying on with the job helped me discover that I want to do something that gives me joy. Joy doesn't mean everything comes easy but just a sense of satisfaction for the life used to its fullest potential. I have not gone that far and have not felt that joy.
Hence the decision to do Introduction to Primary Health Care.
I am excited deep down. Up above, I am numb. Numb to the things around me, numb to life, numb to everything. I feel nothing. I hate this feeling. I hate that I am helpless, and not exactly excited about things, about people and about their joys. I have become devoid of feelings. Urgh, I hate being in this condition.
And yet I thank God for allowing me this place of numbness without striking me off dead, and allowing me to know what are the important things that matter to me. And giving me the opportunity to have a one step plan ahead.
If you have ever experienced the desire to thank God so much yet no words can be uttered and want to be uttered, that's where I am - for I am choking with gratitude for His grace and mercy despite my disobedience, despite my failures.
I am His child. Indeed.
gracey
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